You might be a gun nut if...

You Might Be a Gun Nut If...
(original list courtesy of Randy Lyman, webmaster
Colorado State Shooting Asso.)

Last new: Nov 6, 2000

... you ever seriously thought about dabbing on a little Hoppe's #9 before going out on a date.
...you buy some checkering tools, you checker all your gun stocks, and then start on the bedposts.
...you cannot recall how many firearms you own.
...you buy a gun that's just like that other gun you have except the barrel is 1/2" shorter (or longer).
...you buy a gun at a shop only to find out you used to own it a couple of years ago.
...you know 12 different names for one caliber of cartridge.
...you ever clean a gun that hasn't been shot in the week since you cleaned it last.
...you consider naming your unborn child Winchester or Remington.
...you purchased two Glocks and two Sigs just to see which brand was better.
...your drive to work is filled with reverie about why Ed's Red actually works.
...you strip all the paint off our car and refinish it with cold blue.
...you ever bought ammo in a caliber for which you have no gun, because you thought some day you MIGHT get a gun in that caliber.
...your collection of American Rifleman back issues, Gun Digests and reloading manuals cost you a premium the last time you moved.
...you have more than one gun that "kills on both ends."
...you buy high capacity magazines for a gun you have not bought yet.
...you take your guns out of the safe each night and handle them, just so you can wipe them off before putting them away.
...your mother-in-law asks what new gun junk you want for Christmas this year.
...you see TV footage of the war in Bosnia and wish you were there to pick up the brass.
...you drive 300 miles just to ogle (and fire) HK-MP5s (and Stens, Uzis, BMGs and whatever else shows up at Knob Creek).
...you keep a loaded gun hidden in every room in the house, including the bathroom and kitchen, "just in case," and then keep one on you at all times just in case someone breaks in while you're in the hallway.
...you consider it unpatriotic not to own at least one .45 and one .22.
...you named your pocket pistol "Little Guy" and your 12 gauge "Big Jake."
...you own reloading dies for calibers that you do not shoot.
...you tape American Shooter so you can pause, reverse and fast forward to do a complete analysis of the show.
...you understand Smith & Wesson's model numbers.
...you ever bought two brands of the same weight and type of bullet, just to see if one "shot better."
...you keep a collection of different cartridges at your place of work as a "conversation piece."
...you take your wife on vacation to a gun show for your 10th Anniversary and she is as excited to go as you are.
...you ever had to explain, "It's NOT the same gun, it's a variation!"
...you and your new father-in-law go to a gun show on your wedding day.
...you have life memberships in more than one shooting organization.
...you read that "Brady II" would outlaw possession of more than 1,000 rounds of ammunition and think, "I have more than that rolling around loose in the trunk of my car!"
...watching The Lion King gives you the itch for a .470 Nitro Express.
... while watching the movie Terminator 2, you have to leave the room in tears and mournful sobs after Arnold Schwartzenneger throws the CAR-16 off the moving tractor trailer and it goes bouncing away.
...you go to three different gun shows within a month and you're excited every single time.
...your guns are cleaner than your residence.
...you have 5 different guns being DROS'd at 3 different FFL dealers.
...you plunked down a $130 deposit on a Seecamp after waiting two years for them to accept your order, and are still willing to wait another two years for them to make your pistol.
...your mom gives you a new Springfield Armory .308 sniper rifle for Christmas.
...four local gun shops know you by name.
...you have your own BATF agent (mounted any suitable way).
...you're friends with 90% of the employee's at all the local gun shops.
...you identify the gun on the cover of Dillons Blue Press before you even notice the girl.
...when you stop in at the local gun shop, they ask you questions like: "How was work?" "How are the wife and kids?" "We're gonna order some food, ya want in?" etc.
...you have more gunpowder stashed in your home than your local sporting goods store has on hand.
...you can wallpaper your house with old issues of Shotgun News, Gun List, Guns & Ammo, etc.
...all of your children are life members of the NRA.
...your children are named "Ogive" and "Meplat."
...if you make $30 per hour at work, but spend 30 minutes on your knees at the range looking for that last piece of .40 S&W brass.
...you have Brownells on speed dial.
...you trimmed down 100 10mm cases to form .357 Sig brass before commercial supplies of this brass were available.
...the custom door lock pulls on your Jeep are .223 Rem cases and the gear shift knob is a .50 BMG.
...your girl friend thinks that aura of Hoppes #9 is your favorite after shave.
...you have guns in your safe that you can't, for the life of you, remember how you came by.

(This group courtesy of James Vollink)

You know the answers to 99.9% of THE GUN GUY's trivia questions.
Your cat is named Mauser and your dog is Luger.
Your computer pass words are gun related.
Your local gunsmith calls you for obsolete parts.
You have an open account with Federal, Hornady, Cor-Bon, Winchester and
Remington.
You call Brownells and they know your voice.
Your personalized license plate is 3006 AP, Glock, or MAG-58.
You read to your kids from GUN DIGEST at bed time.
Your gun magazine subscriptions don't run out until 2015.
You clean out your trunk and find 1000 rounds of ammo you forgot about.
You kids know every fast food place around gunshops and ranges within 100 miles of home.
Your kids cried watching BAMBI when the hunter shot Bambi's mother because the hunter had filled his tag.
Your kid thinks the seasons are SMALL GAME and DEER.
A friend shows up with a pistol that was last made 50 years ago and only 10 were ever made, and you have the correct holster for it.
You have more GI ammo cans than the local Army Reserve unit.
You have more guns than some third-world countries.
Local SWAT teams come to you for advice.
You think John Moses Browning's birthday should be a national holiday.
You have 5 pairs of earmuff hearing protectors and shooting glasses in every lens color ever made.
Instead of a lamp post in your front yard you have a pepper popper.
You give your mailman and paper delivery people gift certificates from a gun shop for Christmas.
You have reloading presses for every caliber you shoot, so you don't have to take time to change dies.
You have a standard order for 5,000 primers every week at the local gun shop.
You put in a loading dock at your home so you could buy ammo by the semi load.
Your gun safes cost more than all your furniture.
You can't put your car in the garage because it is filled with buckets of wheel weights and lead ingots.
When you went to the Grand Canyon you were trying to figure the amount of hold-over you would need to hit the other side.
You ever shot propane tanks to see 'em burn.
You ever gave a Browning Superimposed as a wedding gift.
The FBI asks you to identify firearms they can't.
You ever missed your wife's birthday to attend a pistol match. (BAD MOVE)
You took wife to Europe for a month (see above) and the ammo companies had to lay off workers.
The UPS man will not deliver to you unless you have a hand truck.
You watch movies just to identify the guns used in them.
Your doorbell does not chime, it plays a burst of machinegun fire.
You know the range of every tree in the neighborhood.
All your winter coats are Hunter's Orange.
You have windchimes made from shell casings.
All your belts are made by holstermakers.
You can tell the caliber of an empty cartridge by feel.
You have COLT and 1911 tatooed on your fingers.
You buy your holsters matched sets, just in case.
All your trousers are let out so you can wear a ITB holster.
You carry a dummy cartridge for a good luck piece.
All your key rings have sight adjusting screw drivers attached.
You found that if you sold all your gun stuff, you could by a Rolls Royce - - for cash.
You ever brought a new rifle into the house in an old case so you could say you just picked it up after being fixed.
If somebody pointed a magnometer at your house, it would melt down.
You get Christmas Cards from all the gun and ammo companies.
You had heavy duty springs installed in you vehicle just so you could haul your stuff to the range.
There was a major riot in your city and the cops came to you for supplies.
You have decided you could never move because you could not get your gun safes out of the basement.
Your dream home would have a 100 foot indoor range in the basement.
You own more than 2 cronographs.
You have 6 pairs of shooting gloves, 5 that have never been worn.
You have burn scars from hot brass hitting you.
You take your hat off and hold it over your heart when anybody mentions Oliver Winchester, Sam Colt, John M. Browning or either of the Maxims.
Your air fresheners smell like Cordite.
If somebody says they have a Remington Bronze, you want to know when they made cannon and the bore size.
You gave your son a Winchester M-70 on his first birthday.
You have a rifle in .458 and you don't hunt big game.
All the calenders in you house came from gun companies.
Gun shops call you to see if you are going to order any thing from Gun Parts or Brownells so you can add their order to yours.
You have pistol grips off guns that you have not owned for 15 years.
You get misty eyed when you sell a gun.

(More from the irrepressible Richard T. Ripley and Paul Benoit)

...you tag pages in SGN/GL for later reference.
...you own enough guns to arm everyone on your block.
...you own 4 AR-15's configured EXACTLY the same but by different manufactures (Colt, Bushmaster, Olympic Arms, Armalite, etc.) just because you can.
...the last 5 guns you bought are never to be fired.
...when buying a new gun, you plead with your gun shop to keep it until you have space for it.
...your wife wants to wear black leather so you buy her a carry holster.
...you have Trijicon Night-Lights in your bedroom.
...your mailbox has a Weaver Rail on top.
...you can't figure out why your non-shooting friends laugh when you say, "Bushmaster."
...you would like to see Bill Clinton or Barbara Boxer spend even one hour after midnight at a Washington, D.C.bus-stop without their bodyguards.
...you build a gun rack in your bedroom and it's closer to you than your wife.
...you can identify gunshots from far away as to caliber, whether from a rifle or pistol, brand of gun, grains of powder used, *what* powder and at what velocity.
...you ever stumbled across a cache of once-fired brass for a caliber you don't own, but hoarded it anyway.
...your answer to the recent rec.guns newsgroup thread, "How many guns do you need?" is, "How many do you have room for in your house?"
...you stockpiled thousands of primers during the infamous "Primer Famine of 1994."
...a friend knows you reload and gives you a set of dies of a caliber you do not already have, and you go out and buy a gun so you can use the FREE dies.
...when you do the wash, several spent casings fall out of your rolled-up sleeves.
...you go to a gun show and contemplate buying a particular gun for a half an hour before you remember that you already have that one.
...when you go to the magazine rack, you check the "Guns & Ammo" cover to see if there are new guns as compared to checking the Playboy cover to see what it is offering.
...you own more reloading manuals than Bibles.
...you own a BAYONET for a gun you haven't bought yet.
... you buy a gun that is a duplicate of one you already have because the original one might break someday . . .
...you name your first-born boy MAK90.
... you'd rather have a $10,000 PSG-1 and drive a $600 car, rather than drive a $10,000 car and have a $600 gun.
...you preach how stupid gun laws/bans are at work when you work in a predominantly ANTI-gun company.
...you would rather ban alcohol than high-capacity clips/magazines.
...you name your first-born girl LadySmith.
...your kid's disposable diapers come in camo battle packs.
...it bothers you more when 007 runs out of ammo than when the BOND girl dies.
...your key-ring fob is a converted .50BMG cartridge.
...your driver's license says "must wear night-vision goggles."
...you watch La Femme Nikita just to see the HK MP5s.
..."Miller Time" means plinking at beer cans.
...the highlight of your week is discovering that six .40 S&W hollowpoints fit perfectly in a plastic 35mm film canister (5 up/1 down in the middle).
...you put a Hogue Grip on your car's parking brake.
...you retrofit a laser sight to your TV remote control.
...it takes you several minutes leafing through "Small Arms of the World" to find a gun you have never fired.
...you have a callus on your shoulder.
...you've ever sent a scope (that was never dropped) back to Leupold for repair.
...factories ask *you* how well their guns hold up.
...Hornady's largest midwestern distributor informs you that you've bought over half of all the Vector ammo they've ever had in stock.
... you even had the thought, "I wonder what scale little kids Animal Crackers are, compared to Regulation silhouettes?"
...your standard Sunday afternoon question to guys selling surplus ammo at gun shows is "How much for all of it, so you don't have to lug it home?"
...RCBS asked *you* for load data for the .357 Sig (before it was published).
...you shoot enough Berdan-primed ammo that you are on a first-name basis with your local scrap metal dealer.
...upon seeing your 1978 wildcatting project (a .375 on a .50 Sharps 3-1/4" case, 3340 FPS with a 300 Sierra boat tail), Elmer Keith says "You're nuts!"
...Keith Francis (at JGS, the chambering reamer company), answers your phone calls "What have you dreamed up *this* time?"
...you own a firearm listed in the Guinness Book of World Records.
...you go to a marriage counselor, he asks you which you like better, shooting or sex, and you think it's the stupidest question you've ever heard.
...you're in the army reserves, and they can't figure out why every time they send you out to shoot the M60 with 100 rounds, you return with a shot-out barrel (it never dawns on them you're bringing your own ammo . . . ).
...you keep a copy of one of Elmer Keith's books on your coffee table.
...you spend more on ammo each month than on food.
...you list your local FFL dealer as a dependent on your tax return.
...a topless joint with free admission is half a mile away, and instead you drive 40 miles to the shooting range on a Saturday night.
...you alternate Silvertips and Hydra-Shocks in your magazines because they look prettier that way.
...you guess range and windage whenever you look at road signs.
...you have more .50 caliber ammo cans than the local U. S. Army Reserves armory.
...your gun collection is worth more than your automobile.
...you have to run out to the range this weekend to shoot up some ammo because you need some brass to reload.
...seeing Bill Clinton's picture automatically sends you into Condition Orange.
...you're still reading this inane list.
...you live in that serious part of the country where deer season is a recognized holiday.

(Still more courtesy of Richard T. Ripley and Paul Benoit)

...you wish you could buy "The Blue Book of Gun Values" in hard cover.
...you watch old WWII movies and can identify all the rifles and handguns, but can't remember who starred in the movie or what it was about.
...you consider it a point of honor to buy factory ammo only if you need the brass.
... when you hear or see the numbers 221 you automatically think "fireball," 257 you think "Roberts," 218 "Bee," 45-70 "government," etc., and can't stop.
... your pickup is subject to search at any given time because, in your state, empty cartridge cases rolling around the floor are considered probable cause.
...you read the sports section of the newspaper just for the gun ads.
...you get a flat and realize that you've got 400 pounds of shot, a Hefty bag each of wads and empty hulls, and enough primers to re-open the main shaft of the Lost Dutchman on top of your spare tire.
...you wonder what size rings you would need to mount the Hubble Space Telescope on a varmint rifle.
... .22LR cartridges frequently find their way into your wife's washing machine.
...your gun safe cost more than your dining room set.
...you work for the military and have more shooting experience than the guys in uniform you work with.
...your teenage daughter's next date is introduced to you while you're sitting at the loading bench cleaning your M-1.
...you visit the shooting range more then twice a week.
...your wife says to buy a gun she would like you to sell one first.
...you have ever had your local sporting goods store call your house and ask, "We are doing a stock order, did you need anything?"
...the checkering pattern of your favorite 1911is permanently impressed in your palm.
...your bridal registry is at the local gun shop.
...you have more cubic feet of your home devoted to gun-related materials than clothing.
...you can identify on sight all rifle bolt-faces as in: "That's a Ruger, that's a Savage, that's a Winchester . . ."
...the largest gun store in your area calls you if they need something they can't get elsewhere.
...you're a computer specialist and you have more issues of Shotgun News and Gun List than MacWeek and PCWeek.
...you actually consider buying the camo sexy underwear advertised for your sweetie in some gun catalogs.
...you bought 7 or more AK-47's just so you could have different ones from different countries (Bulgarian, Romanian, Russian, Yugoslavian, Egyptian, Chinese, etc.).
...your phone number, license plate, extension at work, etc. relates to some kind of bullet caliber . . . ON PURPOSE.
...you have framed targets hanging in your bathroom, hallway, or at work, etc. with tight groups that you have shot.
...you can read the same issue of SGN/GL/etc. everyday until the new issue comes out.

(and... still more courtesy of James Vollink)

You take time to think these things up.
Surplus ammunition importers call you up to see if there is any thing you were looking for.
When you log on to the www your first page that comes up is the GUN GUY's home page.
You ever shot out a 1911 barrel.
You had a 1911 break down after well over 500,000 rounds and you thought that it should have kept working.
You read this stuff and don't think it is either unreasonable or funny.
You save brass and have a case tumbler and you DON'T reload.
You wanted the doctor to induce labor on your wife so your kid would be born before (fill in the match) so you could attend.
You never go anyplace without at least two pair of earplugs.
Your five year old can detail strip and reassemble a M-1 Garand.
You homeschool and use ballistic tables for math lessons.
Your speedometer is in both MPH and FPS.
You know the Hatcher RSP factor for all your vehicles at all the speeds they can reach.
You can figure out the RSP factor in your head.
You measure things in MOA.
You ever left a handfull of cartridges as a tip.
You ever practiced "air draw", sort of like "air guitar".
You plink with a .500 Linebaugh.
You carry a Taurus Raging Bull as a backup and you're a priest.
You cut out your best groups and carry them in your wallet like photographs.
You ever asked anybody if they wanted to see a photograph of your pride and joy and you were not speaking about your newborn child but your latest custom firearm.
On the day you got married, you were asked "Is this the happiest day in your life?" and you answered, "No, that was when I shot DISTINGUISHED."
You ever seasoned a steak with FFFFg black powder.
You homeowners insurance company would cancel your policy if they ever knew any of the following:
(1) the true value of your firearms
(2) how much ammunition you have stored at home
(3) how much gun powder you have stored
(4) how many primers you have.
Your brass tumbler is made from a small cement mixer.
You ever asked Hoppe's if they would sell you their Hoppe's Number 9 in 30-gallon drums.
You ever put dirty patches in a "delicate" bag so you could run them thru the washer.
You always thought "Dirty Harry" was a wimp and did not use enough gun.
You watch SCI-FI movies and try to figure what they made the blast rifles from.
You keep a notebook listing your guns and which safe they should be in.
You ever thought you would like to have a rifle made that fired the .50BMG case blown making a straight walled case.

(Some more courtesy of James Vollink)

you ever wanted to fire one of your rifles and it took you 20 minutes of moving .50 Cal. cans to locate the one containing the correct ammo.
it took you another 10 minutes moving cans to reach it.
you know the days your gunmags should arrive in the mail.
you keep your spare pistol magazines in their own ammo cans, Browning P-35 mags in this can, S&W 4506 mags in that can, 1911 mags in those two cans.
you named your twin sons Win and Chester.
you have a case of .22 Velodog just in case somebody decides to chamber a pistol in that caliber again.
you have ever thought of corning your own black powder.
you can identify bore solvents by smell. Sweets is the easy one.
you ever smoked a cigarette with Hoppe's on it.....and did not put it out.
you have a 5 gallon bucket of spent primers that you are trying to find a use for.
you ever got frostbite of the fingers trying to dig the last piece of brass out of a snow bank.
you have photographs of your firearms in the same album as your kids.
you keep track of birthdates, anniversaries by purchase dates of firearms, "Let's see, I bought the .30-06 Model 70 two weeks before Bob was born in '87."
you ever got detained at the airport after the empty cartridges in your pockets set off the metal detectors.

You have more fire power than your local armory. ("INS MAIL")

Your smallest gun safe is larger than your refrigerator — and cleaner! (Roger Miller)
You use your lottery winnings to buy out gun shows --with cash. (James Keho)
You belive Jesse -The Mind- Ventura would be a GREAT President. (James Keho)

You might be a gun nut if you discover the reason you cannot fall asleep at a friend's house is that you do not have your carry gun within arm's reach. Once this problem is corrected, you fall asleep within one minute of closing your eyes. (Keith Templeton)